There is someone in your life right now that is doing something that is slowly eating away at the core of who you are. He or she is gradually tearing apart the very fabric of you, like a cat (actually my cat) that slowly, over time, destroys that one end of the couch he uses as his scratching post.
How do you know this to be true?
- Because you flop into bed exhausted each night and drag yourself out of it each morning.
- Because your daily forecast always calls for thunderstorms of doom and gloom.
- Because you flip out at things that once never even registered on your radar.
- Because you get that pretzel-sized knot in your stomach that feels more like a tumour.
- Because your optimism is now a voiceless passenger on the journey of pessimism.
- Because happiness seldom comes and when it does, it is always in a hurry to leave
- Because you have morphed into this person that you neither recognize nor like.
And who is this person we are avoiding?
It could be anyone. It could be everyone. It might be your significant other. It might be your boss. It might be a parent, a brother or sister, or one of your kids? It might be a friend? It might be a co-worker? It might be a neighbour? It might be an unnamed stranger who you encounter on a regular basis. Hell it might even be you (but that’s another post for another day).
Somewhere along the path to that thing that has morphed into our life we have adopted the notion that not rocking the boat-taking the path of least resistance-is the best way to go.
I doubt we would hold Robert Frost in much regard if he had said,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one MOST traveled by
And that has not made a damn bit of difference.
And yet, as ridiculous as that non-quote is, that is exactly how we govern certain aspects of our life (but not all).
But a life worth living is wrought with resistance, for it is resistance that allows us to ply the tools that make us distinctly “me’, so we can then carve out a greater space for ourselves to be that “me” we desire.
When we fail to push back to the resistance we encounter however, we become victims to it instead, retreating at each blow it throws our way until we have but a tiny clearing that we can still claim as our own.
We are like dogs who have wrapped themselves around that tree they are tied to. With each pass the circumference of their space diminishes until they are literally unable to move.
So to it is with us when we fail to have those uncomfortable conversations that appear before us.
We avoid them because we fear what we might lose. We think by simply enduring, that our life is better off, not realizing that our space, that clearing that defines who we are, is imploding upon us.
At some point we need to recognize that our self-worth is defined by that space we clear and continue to clear for ourselves. It means confronting the resistance head on. It means having those difficult conversations and not avoiding them.
Of course, this isn’t easy. Nothing worthwhile in life is. But if we knew what we stood to lose and instead focused on all that we had to gain, then the path to choose is easy.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I– took the one least traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost-
So quit avoiding that difficult conversation, and begin the journey to reclaim that lost real estate that was once you. It is the path least traveled, but in the end, it will make all the difference.
To an idea worth quitting,
Dean
Exercise…
Write down 3 to 5 people that you know who require an uncomfortable conversation. What are they doing that you need to address? Now pick one (start with the easiest) and figure out how to have that conversation with them so you can begin to reclaim your space. Anticipate all that may be thown your way. Visualize how you want to handle everything. Now go and have that conversation.
Just remember, it won’t be easy, it might even be downright ugly, but if you conduct yourself in a manner that you will be proud of, a tremendous weight will have been lifted off your shoulders and that journey to reclaim your space will have begun.
[Note: I'm currently experiencing scanner problems, hence the absence of my "art."]
