We know we can’t control everything, and yet we spend so much of our time trying to do just that.
It starts when we are kids. When someone doesn’t do what we want, we threaten them the only we know how; by telling our moms. In most cases just dropping the m-bomb was enough.
Few kids ever called our bluff, but of course there were always the chosen few who, in their own words would say, “Go ahead. I’m not ascared of your mom.” When that happened, we reluctantly went to plan B-we told their mom.
That isn’t very effective once we get past the age of 10 however. If you choose to use this line in our 20’s or beyond, be prepared to get a response to the effect of, “Dude! What are you, 5?”
The exception of course is teachers. Sadly, they still use it, but they make it sound more grown up when they say, “I will need to report this to your parents.” Translation: I’m telling your mom on you so I can get you to do what I want.
The problem with being a control freak though is we end up fighting battles we can’t win because we have no control over the outcome.
For instance we can’t control…
- our genetics (height, race, gender, eye colour)
- the weather
- untimely accidents
- whether someone remains faithful or not
- someone’s ability to treat us respectfully
- the reactions of others
The trick is to figure out what we can control and then put our focus there.
For instance we can control…
- our weight
- the foods we put in our mouth
- the time we go to bed and the time we awake in the morning
- the number of hours of television we watch
- the amount of exercise we do
- how we respond to other people, even when they have been dishonest, unfaithful, or a complete asshole
- our own personal weather
- how we choose to talk about others when they are not around
- our happiness
- our ability to ward off sickness by refusing to play the role of being sick
- our willingness to forgive
- our anger
- our education
- our bad habits
- our ability to help others in need
- our spending habits
- our choice to be kind in the face of criticism
- complaining by recognizing our role in the problem
- the work we commit our lives to
- our ability to be the best damn spouse, or parent or child or friend or citizen we can possibly be
- the love and compassion we give not only to those we know, but those we don’t
- our ability to listen more than we speak
- the activities we choose to participate in
- our reactions to the bad things that happen to us
- our hope to create win-win scenarios
- our thoughts and where we choose to put the focus of our attention
- our ability to create change
Think through the very things that are bothering you right now, at this very moment. Determine what is within your control (your sphere of influence) and then do something about it! Change is that simple.
Thanks again for being here. Fight the good fight and go and down swinging. And remember: Quit being a control freak.
To ideas worth quitting,
Dean
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