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The biggest thing that holds many of us back from attempting that thing that we have always wanted to attempt is fear; fear that others are not going to like our idea.
Well here is a kick in the gonads for you. I don’t care how well liked you are, there will always be people who won’t like your idea.
I’m not saying everyone is going to hate what you might be suggesting, but it is a mathematical certainty that someone or many are going to find some reason why your idea sucks.
History is ripe with examples of people who represented incredible world changing ideas and yet, inexplicably had detractors who, in some cases, not only opposed but opposed violently.
| Figure | Idea | Detractors | Outcome |
| Jesus | Word of God | Non-Christians | Crucifixion |
| Ghandi | Peaceful Resistance | The English | Assassination |
| Martin Luther King | Equality | White Extremists | Assassination |
| Bugs Bunny | Being a wily wascally wabbit | Elmer Fudd | Sitcom Syndication |
Case Study: Me…
I really began to understand this towards the end of 2008 when I decided to quit the job I was in. It was no longer fulfilling, it lacked a moral compass and quite frankly, the work and the vision had morphed into something that I was embarrassed to even be associated with. One morning while lying in bed, I came to the brilliant realization it was time to pull the chute.
The problem? I had no backup plan. I had no clue what I was going to do for money and no clue what I might possibly be able to do next.
While deep down I knew I was making the right decision (albeit a rather frightening one), I was surprised how uncomfortable others were with it.
Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t that people weren’t concerned for me, but I soon realized that most of the objections and weird looks I was getting (you know the one; that Dr. Spock raised eyebrow look) were really not about me. It was about them and the fact that my decision played into their own fears and insecurities.
Once I was able to crack that code, things became much clearer for me . I realized I too was going to have detractors; people who just didn’t get what the heck I was doing but I didn’t have to let that deflate the grandiose visions I had for myself and the life I wanted to lead.
My solution was simple. I shut down the forum of discussion on what I had done and why. Quitting my job and my murky future were no longer on the conversation menu of things to discuss.
There were three reasons for this. One, I would be fighting a losing battle trying to convince people I was doing the right thing for me.
Two, the more I engaged in trying to convert these people, the more I subjected myself to what was not possible as I would be hit with an endless array of “Yeah, but…” I knew subconsciously this would take its toll and I would begin to question myself if I was immersed in this type of conversation on a regular basis.
Three, most detractors (but not all) aren’t looking to have their minds changed. They are looking to change your mind; to convince you that what you are doing is wrong, so that the world as they know it makes sense again.
My solution was to simply stay focused and seek out all the possibilities that might exist and by doing so I was putting my trust in the fact that I would invariably start bumping into them everywhere.
I stole this idea from a dumb game we would play as kids (no offense to other dumb games we would play like Duck, Duck, Goose, but I have yet to see a correlation to that game and the meaning of life.)
When we saw one of those old Volkswagen Rabbits, we would punch the nearest person (adults were excluded for the sheer fact they could wield those 2 magic words, “You’re grounded!”) in your presence and say “Punch bug no return.”
The funny thing is, this car was virtually invisible until we started focusing on it. Then they seemed to pop up everywhere.
It seemed obvious then to simply transfer that logic to my current situation-minus the punching, as strangers on the subway don’t react well to being punched simply because a new possibility has come to light.
The more I focused on the possibilities that could exist, the more I would see them.
And this is exactly what I did. Soon opportunities were popping up like paparazzi around an A-list movie star, in spite of the fact we were in the midst of harsh economic times.
How to fend off detractors…
Detractors, unfortunately, are like mosquitoes. They appear out of nowhere when we least expect it and are most vulnerable. And while it would be nice to literally swat them away (no, killing them is not an option), there are skills you can hone to keep them at bay.
1. Stay away from the places they congregate.
Detractors are everywhere. They write newspaper columns, they review films and restaurants, they hang out in lunch rooms, and they feed us our nightly news to name a few. Learn to be where they aren’t.
2. Identify and avoid the But Monkeys.
These are not actual monkeys but rather people who will have a big BUT (not big BUTT, although that could also be the case) for every idea and possibility that you put forward.
Identify who these people are and shut your trap when they are around. In their own minds, they think they mean well, but they will suck the life out of you if you give them the opportunity.
FYI: It’s best not to address them as butt monkeys however, especially at business functions or large social gatherings.
3. Transfer your cell phone skills to real life…
Sometimes we feel the need to address every question lobbed our way. You don’t have to. Like your phone calls, be in control of what you choose to answer and what you don’t.
- Use your call display ninja skills which you have honed over the years to screen the likes of your in-laws, telemarketers and your B, C and D-list friends, to screen your detractors. Keep a mental list of those who you suspect might be a detractor and tread carefully in their presence.
- Screen by simply saying you would rather not talk about it. THE END! That is the cell phone version of the hang up. You can even make a dial tone sound afterwords, just to really weird them out.
- Screen by moving on. That is the phone version of call waiting where you just have to take that incoming call. Same thing here. If think you are trapped, find someone, anyone that you need to talk to right now.
- Screen by deflecting. This is not to limited to phone skills, but simply pose a question back to them or quickly but subtly change the subject without them really taking notice. Remember however I said to deflect subtly. Refrain from any physical actions like throwing your arm up as if you are blocking a punch to the head. They may suspect something is up.
4. Form your own posse’
Surround yourself with possibility minded individuals. Granted this group won’t have the same prestige or superpowers as say, The League of Superheros, nor will they be donning costumes (I repeat, they should NOT be wearing costumes) but they will be enough to deter a lone detractor from wandering in and going on the offensive. That and they can come to your rescue when you need them to bounce ideas off of or need a little emotional support from time to time.
Quit Twit…
Quit thinking you must have universal approval before you take action on something you are really passionate about. A great idea will always have resistance. If it doesn’t, it’s probably a crappy idea to begin with and won’t succeed anyway. Might I suggest you pass it on to one of your detractors. They will love it!
To spreading ideas worth quitting,
