#978-Quit being a jackass: 30 reasons you just might be one

[Photo credit:  kbaird]

One of the great things about writing a blog about quitting is it has forced me to become very observant not only of my own behaviour, but that of my fellow earthlings.

And one of the things I have noticed is that we all possess the jackass gene and seem to exercise it regularly.

Now it should be noted that the term “jackass” is gender neutral.  Women are just as likely to be as big a jackass as men, although lets be honest, men do it better and with much more consistency.

There are also varying degrees of jackassism.  As you read the list below, check off those items you are most guilty of, and then rate yourself accordingly.  Then head to the comment section down below and let us know your jackass status.

I also strongly encourage you to share your own observations of jackassism that you have witnessed.  It just might be featured in my next jackass post.

Your jackass status…

0-5        A probationary jackass  (not an official card carrying jackass YET!)
6-10      A little jackass (or jackass light)
11-15    A plain ole regular run of the mill jackass
16-20   A big jackass
21-25   A jackass of gigantic proportions
25-30  Emergency surgery required to remove jackass chromosome

You’re a jackass if…

1. You order a coffee in a “to go” cup but drink it in the store.
2. You order an accompanying treat with that coffee and have it placed in a bag, and then eat it that in the store to.
3. You depart said coffee shop leaving your cup, your plastic lid, your stir stick, your empty packets of sugar, your now empty bag and all the crumbs from your treat on the table for someone else to clean up.
4. You slap your money (change is worse) on the counter even though the person on the other end is holding their hand out to receive it.
5. You pee on the seat in a public washroom and leave it for the next person to wipe up. (guys)
   You line the seat with the available ass wrapping many washrooms now have,  and then leave it on the seat for the next person to remove. (ladies)
6. You fart in public places and then flee the scene of the crime, leaving someone else to take the fall.
7. You throw your cigarette butts on the ground or out your car window instead of in an astray.  (My suggestion:  eat the stupid thing.  It is the healthiest part of the cigarette.  No one gets cancer from that.)
8. You update your bank book at the ATM machine after two years of forgetting to do so, while 5 people are waiting behind you.
9. You talk on your cell phone with a voice someone would use when carrying on a conversation with someone operating a jack hammer.
10. You put the parking ticket you just got on someone else’s car, hoping they won’t notice and will pay it for you.
11. You throw a tantrum about your parking ticket even though you deserved it.
12. You accidentally tell someone about their surprise party.
13. You hit “reply all” instead of “reply” when you jokingly slander your colleague.
14. You suffer from road rage because people are only going the speed limit (those sons of bitches).
15. You suffer from “disabled parking syndrome” because you are incapable of parking in a space so that the distance between your car and the lines on either side are relatively the same. (see image above)
16. You leave your car running while you run in to get your coffee or your dry cleaning. (True story:  One morning at Starbucks a guy did this, and when he came out his BMW was gone.)
17. When you get someone’s voice mail, you ask to be called back and then you say your phone number faster than an over-caffeinated auctioneer.
18. You don’t listen to my phone message that says, “Hi it’s Dean, leave a message.” and you then  leave a message that says, “Hello Dr. Tong.  I think I’m missing a testicle.  Can I make an appointment to see you today?”
19. You talk bitterly about your divorce like it happened yesterday when its been 20 years.  Let it go!
20. You wait until the cashier tells you how much you owe before you then begin the frantic search to figure out where the hell your wallet is, only to discover it is in the car.
21. You spend 15 minutes at Christmas time circling to find a parking spot as close to the mall as possible when you could park in a vacant spot that is a 5 minute walk away.
22. You write “Wash me!” on someone’s dirty car.
23. You leave your shopping cart in the parking lot (usually in a much needed parking space) instead of putting it back where you got it.
24. You walk slower than usual across the street when you see a driver must wait for you before he/she can turn.
25. You talk in the third person to your kids.
26. You forget someone’s name and instead of asking them again you instead call them things like shooter, big guy, champ or fella.
27. You don’t eat the crust of pizza (that’s the best part).
28. You whine about bad customer service, yet you give lousy consumer service.
29. You honk your car horn incessantly when you are like the 10th car in line even though you have no clue why traffic is stopped in the first place. (Tip:  Get out and take a look.  The fallen tree might have something to do with it.)
30. You don’t tell people they have a buffet stuck in their teeth or clinging to their face.

Now those are 30 ideas that are definitely worth quitting,

Dean

ps…if you are married to or going out with a jackass or know people who are jackasses, please forward this to them and have them take the test.

pss…if you are seeing this for the first time and you liked this post, please subscribe via email or rss feed and share it with a friend.  Thanks

Tagged as: dean dwyer, jackass, quit, the power of quitting