[Photo Credit: Unknown (at least to me)]
The reality is, seldom are we truly 100% ourselves.
We are some watered down, over caffeinated, sleep deprived, out of shape version of who we really are. The question is, just how watered down have we become?
It isn’t a percentage set in stone of course. I think we toggle back and forth between who we really are and who we want people to think we are, depending on the situation we are in.
For instance, in a formal setting like a job interview, when asked what his biggest weakness is, seldom will a guy say, “Oh man, put a few drinks in me and I am a complete f#$%ing asshole.”
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The inspiration for this post actually came from a blog I was reading on the weekend called IttyBiz. The author of this site is a woman named Naomi Dunford. She has carved out a very successful niche for herself on the web being 100% Naomi Dunford.
What does that mean exactly? Well she tells it like it is and isn’t worried that she will lose readers because she drops the f-bomb or broaches subjects that might just be too hot for regular folk to digest.
This got me thinking however about just how filtered we, in general, have become.
A look back in time…
Back in my early teaching days I really struggled to discover my own identity. As a result, I fell victim to adopting the identity of others.
For instance, after a few weeks of stumbling and bumbling around the classroom, a seasoned vet told me I should dress more professionally. Apparently, wearing t-shirts with phrases like, “Party Naked” were considered unprofessional and highly inappropriate for the grade eight students I was teaching.
I didn’t give it much thought because the idea of professional attire seemed logical enough. Using the incredible power of credit, I went out and bought a bunch of dress shirts and ties. I hated the look, but bought into the script because I thought that looking professional was important.
It wasn’t until I happened to hear some kids talking about this same teacher, who subtly suggested I do a wardrobe makeover, that I realized the error of my ways. They didn’t like this guy at all and I could see why. He didn’t respect them. He treated them more like cattle, forcefully herding them through their education.
It finally clicked that being professional had nothing to do with the way I dressed. An asshole is still an asshole whether he is wearing a three piece suit, a jump suit, or a suit of armour (to be fair, all those I have encountered with a suit of armour have been quite cordial and pleasant, although I would resist the urge to hug it out with them).
Being professional is all about character, not clothing. Character has no dress code. In fact, if I ever open a restaurant, the sign on the door will read, “No shirt, no shoes. No problem. No character. Get lost.”
This was my first foray into the art of being 100% me.
11 ways to move towards being 100% you…
So how do we go about being 100% us? Well here are a few steps to start…
- Can you handle the truth? Honesty ain’t easy, but if we are going to try and recapture our authenticity then we have to stop filtering the truth. People need to know how we feel, otherwise we are pretending to be someone we are not, and that takes its toll sooner, rather than later.
- Ease up on the whine. What is it you always complain about? Complaints are simply unresolved issues that force you to compromise on being you. Being 100% you means developing the courage to take a stand for what it is you want, even if people are initially put off by what you are saying. Life takes on a whole new meaning when you no longer have anything to complain about.
- Patrol your borders. Think of yourself like a country-the country of you. Your country has rules and regulations for those attempting to cross the border and people need to know that a) border entry will be denied for anyone lacking proper documentation or who has a history of rule violations. b) violators will be deported if unlawful entry is discovered or crimes have been committed.
- Hold everyone accountable. Being 100% you means holding everyone accountable when they are in violation of your personal constitution. Many mistakenly think that only refers to people who are our subordinates. It is everyone, whether it is spouses, fellow employees, clients, bosses, heads of state, kings and queens, or interplanetary leaders.
- Be transparent. We are generally so guarded about letting our true selves be known, but being 100% you, requires a high degree of transparency. Watch any video by Gary Vaynerchuk, and you will quickly see his rock star status comes from a willingness to let people into his world.
- Create the constitution of you. It’s the same notion as the commandments Moses brought forth except you don’t have to carve them in stone, unless you are absolutely bent on doing so. Author Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project has her constitution listed on the homepage of her blog.
QuitBeingless
than100%you1. Be Gretchen.
2. Let it go.
3. Act the way I want to feel.
4. Do it now.
5. Be polite and fair.
6. Enjoy the process.
7. Spend out.
8. Identify the problem.
9. Lighten up.
10. Do what ought to be done.
11. No calculation
12. There is only love. - Let others be 100% them. Part of you being 100% you is letting others be 100% them. If you hear yourself commenting on someone’s behaviour or language for instance, then stop it. You can’t be authentically you if you are trying to have someone else conform to your ideals. Remember, authenticity exists in the absence of the rules of others.
- QUIT doing things you don’t like. Whether it is something in your job, or your relationship, or your personal life, stop doing things you just aren’t passionate about. This is tough because for many of us, especially when it comes to our jobs, we have become really good at stuff that quite frankly, we couldn’t give a rats ass about. Begin to make a list of those things you are doing that you don’t like, and figure out a way to quit doing them.
- Take a stand. You can’t be you in all your glory if you aren’t willing to take a stand for something you believe in. Are you prepared to take a stand for you? Analyze the worst case scenarios and instead of letting that stop you, look for solutions and alternatives to empower you, should it materialize. (It is important to note the worst case scenario seldom happens.)
- Set your own expectations. Most of what we consider to be success is based on what others have told us it should be. Success is relative. Redefine it on your terms otherwise you will always be chasing someone else’s vision and 100% authenticity will always elude you.
- You think, therefore you are, I think? Be aware of what you are thinking at any given moment. Negative, self-defeating thoughts have a way of popping into our heads out of nowhere like annoying neighbours, and like your neighbours, could care less if they have overstayed their welcome. Becoming aware of what you are thinking gives you insight into that which we are not controlling. Authenticity comes when we begin to see that our thoughts are not lined up with who we are seeking to become.
To begin the process of being 100% you, might I suggest you take a page out of Gretchen’s notebook and write up the constitution of you to start. And if you don’t mind, share it with us. It just might help others get their list going on the path to being 100% them.
To ideas worth quitting,
Dean
