We hate getting screwed!
Whether we are buying a big ticket item like a house or a car, or we are bartering for some 75 cent item at a yard sale, we generally don’t feel we were treated fairly unless we can walk away saying we got a deal.
Personally, I am not a great negotiator, but I do remember the tremendous pride I felt the time I knocked a $1 item down to $0.25. Sure the two 5 year old girls selling their lemonade weren’t overjoyed — one of the more business savvy ones kept whining about overhead costs while the other one, who I assume was the “muscle,” actually spit at me as I slapped my 25 pennies down on the table — but I’m pretty sure they were still pulling in a pretty penny. (Get it?)
It leads into an interesting discussion about what we, as individuals, think is fair. It’s a bit of a slippery slope because the concept of fairness is very much subjective.
I might think for most, it sits on a 50-50 split. If, in our mind, we feel that what we are giving is equal to what we are receiving, then we will deem that transaction fair.
Of course, others may innately want something closer to a 60-40 split or even a 70-30 split to feel a transaction (these could be physical, intellectual or emotional) has been done fairly.
This doesn’t mean the person on the other end feels the same, but my point is we all have an arbitrary mental placeholder of what fair means to us.
A study on fairness…
Researchers took two people. I do assume by took they don’t mean abducted, because that is stooping to alien tactics, and quite frankly we are bigger than that.
The first person was given $100 and had the option to divide it any way they chose and give what he/she felt the other deserved.
The catch! If person #2 was not happy with the decision, they could veto the entire deal and neither person would get anything.
The results. Most of the participants stuck to the 50-50 model. However, there were those who rationalized things a bit differently. Seeing that they were giving people free money to begin with, some felt a 60-40 split was fair (they kept $60 and gave $40 to the other person.) Others went as far as a 70-30 split.
It was here however, where researchers discovered the fairness threshold was breached. In almost every instance of a 70-30 negotiation, the second person vetoed the deal, meaning the two walked away with nothing.
Now an argument could be made that $100 is really a paltry amount nowadays with our current standard of living in North America. I would tend to agree. In fact, $100 would not allow you to bid on this lovely Christmas tree sweater that is currently being auctioned off on eBay as I write this.
Sadly, the starting bid is $125us. The good news however, is that the Thanksgiving Turkey Sweater, complete with all the fixin’s, is available at a much more affordable price.
The researchers thought the same thing (not about the sweater…as far as I know they don’t know this gem is up for grabs), and so they took their show on the road.
This time they tried it in a variety of third world countries, where $100 for some, could be as much as a month’s pay. Apparently they were working for Nike.
What did they discover? Much to their surprise, the threshold was nearly identical. People in third world countries were willing to walk away from substantial sums of money, if they felt they were not being dealt with fairly.
It’s a fascinating social experiment; another that is easy to hypothesis about, but difficult to answer until we have been placed in that situation ourselves.
Quit taking the long end of the stick…
So what does this little experiment really say? We hate getting the short end of the stick.
I can’t help but wonder how our lives and those around us might be impacted if we could play a new game.
What if we could quit thinking that the short end of the stick was a bad thing? What if we sought out opportunities and began to embrace getting the short end of the stick? How might that alter our life experience?
Maybe it starts by redefining what getting the short end of the stick means. We need to quit thinking it is about getting bamboozled, and start looking at it as an opportunity to create tremendous value while expecting little or nothing in return.
I know it is a weird concept to wrap your head around, but do me a favour and expand your mind just a little…not so much that you pull a muscle, but just enough to explore how we might implement this idea.
Imagine if we were to engage in tasks where the fairness odds were completely skewed against us.
Practical applications to begin experimenting with getting the short end of the stick…
- Give gifts at unceremonious times without expecting anything in return. How cool would that be? Imagine how surprised your spouse, child, mistress or co-worker would be if you gave them a thoughtful gift at an impromptu moment.
- Give your umbrella to someone who has none on a rainy day. Sure that means you are going to get wet, but who cares. Imagine how moved that someone will be, and the stories they will tell.
- Give up your seat at a crowded restaurant or coffee shop, or offer to share it with someone who is waiting for one to become available.
- Give an entire day of you to your child. That means no computer, no email, no TV. Just you and them for the entire day.
- Give up a nearby parking spot to a competing stranger and happily take one further away where you get to walk a bit farther. You get the extra fresh air and the added exercise as a bonus. (Please note that if you go and let the air of out their tires the gesture is somewhat defeated.)
- Let someone who is clearly hurried, but has a whack more groceries than you, go before you.
- Listen more and talk less when with family and friends. Social media guru Chris Brogan says it should be in the neighbourhood of 12 to 1. Listen 12 times more than you are yapping. Not sure how you measure that though. Maybe an egg timer?
- When there is an opportunity to barter, don’t. Pay full price or go a step further and pay more if you feel they have under priced the product.
- Pick up someone else’s litter or dog poop (not recommended however to do it with your bare hands–that’s just yucky!) I know it’s gross, but it will keep our sidewalks safe and prevent other dogs from going, “Oh cool. This is a good place to drop a load.”
- Tip really big for great service…go way beyond what the standard is.
- Tip for something that isn’t usually tipped. Why not give the dude at the 7/11 a tip? What about the grocery cashier? Or the bus driver?
- Pay for someone else’s parking, especially when the meter dudes are coming by. Buy them an hour and put the ticket on their windshield under the wiper.
- If you sell a product, lower the price so more people can experience it. Think like Wal-Mart. Pass the savings onto the customer.
- When driving, let others merge into your lane, even if they are dick heads and are trying to jump the line. More often than not, it is people who legitimately were in the wrong lane.
- Apologize even when you know you aren’t at fault. That’s a tough one, because we have this overwhelming desire to be right. Well at least I do.
- Hug it out with someone you don’t normally hug.
- Compliment someone sincerely that you don’t normally see eye to eye with…your bitter rival we shall say.
- Bring in coffee or some other morning pick me up to those you work with (stay away from things like crack and ecstasy however.)
- Leave work early, even if you have a ton of unfinished work, and surprise your spouse or kids by picking them up at work or school. (WARNING! Don’t do this if your kids are teenagers, or they will be like, “OMG! My friends are here. This is so lame. Why are you doing this to me?”)
If we can just quit thinking that fairness means we need to get the better of the transaction, and start working on really providing value and/or contribution, without caring if we are on the losing end of the transaction, then pretty incredible things will undoubtedly happen.
To ideas worth quitting,
Dean
