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No that is not a typo. You read it correctly. You really need to quit listening to yourself.
I realize this is counter-intuitive to everything we have ever been taught, but the fact of the matter is, most of our self-talk holds us back.
Now I am not advocating that you abandon all self-talk because there is definitely a certain percentage that is very useful. For instance, our inside voice allows us to say what we really think about things without actually saying them out loud and dealing with the fall out.
So thoughts such as, “Holy Moses, you have aged worse than bad cheese” go unsaid, thus keeping up the illusion that you are in fact a model citizen.
Self-talk has it’s uses in some areas and does aid us well.
But not always.
There is a simple test to see if this is true. Are you crushing life by doing what you love to do?
If you are not, then you are communicating a message to yourself that is somehow sabotaging what it is you most want to achieve.
I know you will say, “But Dean it isn’t that simple. Life is not that simple. There are other factors, complicated things, that come into play that dictate our circumstances.”
My response is simply to say, “Zip it!” That is you telling you why something can’t be done. And the sad thing is, until we realize that we are the biggest hurdles to our own success, we will continue to pin excuses on external factors other than ourselves, and never reach out and attempt those things we are just dying to try.
The Me Factor…
I would like to be able to pronounce that I personally don’t experience such negative self-talk, but the fact of the matter is, I battle it all the time.
I taught for 17 years. I loved teaching my students, but I struggled working with a flawed education system and desperately wanted to get out and experience something else.
Problem: Every time I would contemplate what I could do, my self-talk would invariably interrupt me in mid thought to remind me I was a school teacher-nothing more nothing less. This ultimately kept me right where I didn’t want to be. It took me years to realize I was limiting my options by placing the label of “I am a school teacher” on myself.
Venturing beyond the confines of my labels…
Early on in my education I bought into the notion I was not a writer based on three erroneous assumptions.
First, I found high school English extremely painful. No offense to Bill Shakespeare, but his liberal use of 16th century English was shameful.
For instance he would write, “Ye are a baggage” (actual Shakespearean sentence) which translates to, “You are a prostitute.” Why not just write, “Yo gurl yur a filthy slut .” I get that. He just made the language so complex and difficult to absorb.
If he tried to pull that shit off today, he’d be slapped with a learning disability and banished to the wood shop where he would be pumping out gun racks and cutting boards for a 7-fingered chain smoking shop teacher.
Second, it was always my lowest mark. This always perplexed me. How could English be my first language and yet be my worst class? I often wondered if I suffered from a rare condition where I actually had no first language, thus explaining my poor grades.
And third, because I found no joy in writing essays such as the pros and cons of the industrial revolution (Pro: I can now download this essay off that thing they call the internet, submit it as my own and then spend my time on something that actually adds value to my life; Con: English teachers make us write about the industrial revolution) I wrongly assumed I didn’t like writing.
It has taken me this long to unlearn that false assumption about myself. I am a writer. You will notice I didn’t say I am a great writer or even a good writer. In the end it doesn’t matter because I have realized I love the platform writing (blogging) provides me and even more important, I love the opportunity to be 100% me with no compromises.
But that evolution could not have happened until I realized that for years I was telling myself I was not a writer based on erroneous high school interpretations.
No false promises…
This alone, is not some miracle insight that is going to suddenly rock your world.
If you were to embrace it however, it would be the first in a series of steps to begin to identify what your limiting self-talk is. Once you recognize that it exists and has defined who you currently are, then you have the opportunity to begin to redefine who you want to be.
And that awakening alone could blow the doors off that safe secure average life you have been masquerading behind for all these years.
17 Questions to ask yourself…
So here is a little game to play if you want to jump start this process and dig into this topic pronto because we can’t create change until we understand what is at the root of the problem.
We all have a default response to questions that surround various aspects of our life. Becoming aware of the default responses you have developed over the course of your life experience, allows you to begin to see when they creep in. Once you are conscious of that that, then, and only then do you have the opportunity to change them.
Take some time to reflect on the questions below to discover what your default response is. You might just be surprised what you discover.
- What is your default response when people ask you what you do? Do you define yourself by your job? If so, why?
- What is your default response to those things that scare the shit out of you?
- What is your default response when you think about your level of intelligence and your ability to learn and teach?
- What is your default response to others? The homeless? People with disabilities? Various religious backgrounds?
- What is your default response to your list of shortcomings?
- What is your default response to your ability to create change for yourself? for others?
- What is your default response to your physical appearance?
- What is your default response to your personality?
- What is your default response to your health? your level of fitness? your body type? your eating habits?
- What is your default response to money and your ability to have more of it?
- What is your default response to relationships and the type of people you feel you should be attracted to? Who have you attracted?
- What is your default response to making a difference in the world? What’s your contribution going to be when all is said and done?
- What is your default response to creating a legacy?
- What is your default response to unpredictable events that happen in your life?
- What is your default response to trying new things? Meeting new people?
- What is your default response to giving back to others? the community?
- What is your default response to the environment? Do you even consider the footprint you leave behind?
QuitTwit…
You are your biggest hurdle to success. Quit listening to yourself and see how life unfolds. You won’t regret telling yourself to shut up. Just don’t say it out loud.
To spreading ideas worth quitting,
